Killing

Today after an emotionally overwrought session she expressed concern for my well-being. She said I needed to nourish myself before I could move on.

She asked me: Is there anyone whom you can now just go to and lay in their lap and cry your heart out? Your mother...your sister? Someone who can just take care of you and pamper you… Can you think of any one person?

I scanned through the people in my life and I had to say: No.

I didn’t feel bad for myself at that point, it was just a fact.

And she looked into my eyes and said with real understanding and empathy: You chose that.

It killed me.

Because I had to be honest: Yes, I did.