~

Kehta hai dil, rastaa mushkil
Maloom nahin, kahaan manzil

- Shree 420

Reality Bites

Looks like I may have to take the dreaded path after all :)

Ah well, maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe it won't be for too long.

People shouldn't be allowed to read, watch movies, listen to music or lie sprawled under the stars cos it gives them silly ideas.

Moving on

It seems to me that I’m always looking out for other people. Always conscious of how what I say will affect them – make them feel bad or hurt. So I don’t usually say what I want to, except in times of extreme vulnerability. And I’m getting tired of it. What about me? What about the way I feel?

One decision, the biggest has been made. It was fairly obvious actually.

Have started looking at classifieds.

Am choosing the middle path as far as the second is concerned. Hope it works out and am not forced to choose the path I know I will hate.

I wish I was God

No seriously, I would do a much better job. I’d paint a girlfriend here, a job there, a mountain for Bipasha. Put away all the baddies where they can only hurt themselves, turn all nukes into chocolate. Clean up the rivers and forests.

I mean what’s with all this you are on earth to learn lessons, suffering is the best lesson crap??

Someone needs to tell God to get a life.

With gratitude

This has to be the sweetest email I have ever received. Thanks Angel :)


"no he is not .. my mom hoeever saw him once and sid
that he was good looking.. he does have a chin dimple
thing!! if only hed stop pulling my cheeks!!

i figered the cousin thing would take time...am on it
already!! need to talk to the parents though!!
thanks it was really cool of you to mail you know!!
i keep telling people (and yes they allthik i m a geek
for being so involved with my blog buddies)that you
are the coolest married person i know!!

anyway now that my dark coulds have lifted.. wassup
with you?? why so sad!! you know i just realsed that
you and i are rather opposites... if i am troubled i
run to friends... not to anyone...to a few selected
ones...most of the time it means a big STD call!! but
hey it works!!

i know i am not reallyin a position to say let me try
and help... but if you need to talk ... please do id
be more then happy and very free!! all i can offer is
a non judgemental ear and may be tons of coffee if
your in the neighbourhood ...
the best part about the internet is that the anonomity
...

ill be posting about this but i have to tell you ...
today has been the most glorious moring..in long
while.. got up bathed my chotu and dropped mom to her
bus came to work and received three unexpected
mails... all loaded with TLC!! what else could a girl
want!!!??! blessed is the receiver of caring e mails i
say!!

*HUGGIEE*
hey try the new kwality walls rumkick... chocolate
choco bar flavoured with rum...a kick it is!!"



Thanks also to the the Ubergeek for extending a shoulder and Bipasha for the financial advice :)

And of course to everyone who commented.

..

I’ve had a very bad night and right now I just want to feel those arms around me for a long, long time. I want to be kissed on my forehead, I want my hair stroked, I want the ‘It’s okay’ and ‘It’ll be fine’ and ‘I know you can do it’ and ‘I really want to be here for you.’ I want fingers on my back.

Not going to happen.

Maybe another cup of tea would be nice.

Killing

Today after an emotionally overwrought session she expressed concern for my well-being. She said I needed to nourish myself before I could move on.

She asked me: Is there anyone whom you can now just go to and lay in their lap and cry your heart out? Your mother...your sister? Someone who can just take care of you and pamper you… Can you think of any one person?

I scanned through the people in my life and I had to say: No.

I didn’t feel bad for myself at that point, it was just a fact.

And she looked into my eyes and said with real understanding and empathy: You chose that.

It killed me.

Because I had to be honest: Yes, I did.