Jobless / Hippiedom / Hark the Herald Angels

I quit my job on Friday.

It was a decision somewhat thought out, though not entirely. I realized that I can’t go on like this – doing shitty jobs, waiting forever for a film to take place. I had to quit for my own sanity – I was getting too bored, irritable, depressed.

I was not too sure what I was going to do next when I told boss woman on Friday, and I still am not. There is still the open offer from the ex-office – but I know I don’t want to go back there permanently, back into the rut, that would be a regression. The freelance offer from them sounds better. Plus N has come up with a practical, viable business idea and wants me as a partner.

What took me totally aback was the reaction I got from boss woman. At first she told me to think again seriously about Film School. Then in the afternoon boss woman’s husband had a long chat with me about ‘the nature of the film business’. I told him I would like to work with them whenever a film happened but thought that it might not be worth their while to pay my air travel when they could hire local people. But he said that it would be worth their while and they would definitely want me on board! :) We also talked about working out something where I would come in for one day a week only.

Then later in the evening I called boss woman just to say I was leaving and she kept me on the phone for over half an hour. She encouraged me to go ahead with my documentary concept on my own. She said I had developed it well and it had a good rhythm. She suggested ways I could get funding in India. She stressed that I should not go back to my old job! She said I don’t need to work with them if I hated it but that I could use her name and her production company’s name and experience to apply for funding! That is really generous.

I’m still feeling totally loopy about everything. Will still be here till this Friday, the 17th to wind things up. Then plan to take a long vacation – at least two weeks to get my brain sorted out. And then January will be here and I’ll have to go at it with all I’ve got.

I can see that things are going to be financially screwed up for a bit. B will have to take on more than half the responsibility for a while. Hope we will manage okay.
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Spent Saturday night and Sunday afternoon smoking pot and singing with B’s hippie friends, S and A, from London.

It was quite fun, they run a commune there where B had stayed for a few days.

S has an awesome voice and sings beautiful keertans. He even attempted some Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. It was nice, being high, singing ‘Shiv Shiv bol’ which suddenly turned into ‘my guitar gently weeps’!

Which makes me wonder – could I cut it as a hippie? Am afraid I couldn’t. I am way too cynical, was making cynical observations throughout the jolly singing party in fact! Plus it has been so ingrained in me not to be economically dependent on anyone that there is no way I could live by mooching off other people.

Plus, I do not want to randomly have babies!

Yup, I have too much of a guilt complex to make a successful hippie. Oh well!
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Sunday evening went to a choir concert at F’s church. Very beautiful. I want to sing in one too. Must make an effort next year to infiltrate one.