Tuesday

S was online yesterday and we had a little chat.

Funny how even miles away, just thinking of him sitting at the other end on a computer can make my fingers turn cold and my brain stop thinking.

There are only two ppl who I have really and truly wanted – S and G. Thinking of it, I notice similarities between them:

1. Good looking in an imperfect way.
2. Piercing, intense eyes.
3. Nervous energy.
4. Not much liked by other people or thought of as being strange/obnoxious.
5. Could not have a great conversation or be good friends with either – on totally different wavelengths from mine.

These are the only two men who I wanted so badly that I totally overcame my shyness and made an initiative.

Funny also how the experience was terrible in both cases!

I am not wired for casual sex. Unfortunately.
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S has quit his job in Dubai because the ‘boss was incompetent and the work atmosphere was terrible’. Sigh. Maybe boss woman was right and he should be on medication.

He is now planning to apply for a ‘Contemplative Psychology’ course in an American university. Apparently a course based on Vipassana – looking inside and healing yourself etc. So he’s basically mooching off his Mom again, whilst applying for funding and aid etc.

I sincerely hope I do not meet him ever again. I hope he never comes to Delhi and that he is out of the country when I visit Pakistan. I hope he never works with us. _______________________________________________

Came across a great book today! It’s called ‘My Brilliant Career’ by an Australian, Miles Franklin, first published in 1901.

It’s an autobiography of a young girl, written when she was 21, about her girlhood. It has a great energy and passion. I completely love it – it’s like a blog speaking out to me from the late 19th century! There are so many things I can relate to so completely – the turmoil arising from the question of the existence of God, being misunderstood, the longing to be loved.

I usually have a few passages in a book I’m reading that I simply adore and I would write them down in a notebook or more recently, on this blog. But I cannot choose one passage in this book – it’s great – right from the prologue on!