Vir Das / Last Night

Vir Das

Went to Vir Das’s stand-up show on Saturday and was somewhat disappointed.

Saw him on ‘We the People’ once – an episode about how parents hire detective agencies to spy on their kids and was really impressed with the (what seemed like spontaneous) comments that he made. In fact, I was so excited about his show that I went all the way to the IHC and bought the tickets way in advance.

Took the Jokester with me. (Am attempting to give names to the people in my life, the Jokester is the ‘F’ of previous posts). The Jokester is the best stand-up comic I personally know. He is quick with smart-assed, hilarious responses and is a great mimic. Of late we have been connecting on an intellectual level, and I have got the feeling that he finds this particular talent of his a bit of a strain, as if he feels he needs to perform all the time, that people won’t want to be around him if he doesn’t.

Anyhow, I digress.

This is why I didn’t like his show:

a) A lot of the jokes I had heard before and so did not originate in his brain.

b) The theme was the ‘Battle of the Sexes’ and the notions of how men and women perceive things differently were quite old-fashioned. For example, men not being interested in shoes – jesus, all my male friends are more into shoes than any of my female friends! And several other stereotypical attitudes which don’t really hold true anymore. I personally think a stand-up comic needs to be more with the times.

c) A lot of the situations wouldn’t really occur in the Indian context. For example, a girlfriend insisting that her man give her the key to his apartment. Yes, maybe amongst a very very very low percentage. But the thing is, there are so many things in the Indian context which would make great material for humour.

Now that I have actually typed all this out, I do feel I am being over-critical. I guess I expected much more from him. Plus I have been to the Comedy Club in London, and so am judging him against the very best. These guys were awesome – reacting to the audience, changing their act accordingly.

The Jokester felt that he must have felt somewhat constrained in his routine since he was dealing with an audience which may not be very aware, and so that he may have felt the need to dumb down his act.

I sensed that this was going to change into an excuse for him not getting into it – I have been trying to persuade him to try stand-up professionally. And so I gave him a brilliant suggestion – the Jokester is also a prodigious drummer and bassist, and is in a band. So I told him he could do his routine at gigs, during the interval between two bands. There is so much that’s funny about the Indian rock scene, and since the audience would consist of musicians and people who hang with musicians he could make very specific jokes and they would get them! I think I am quite brilliant to have come up with this :) But he is a lazy 22 year old so I wonder if he’ll work towards it…
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Last Night

Last night I felt I was dying.

It was awful. I’d gone to a jazz concert at a club – the greats Jonas Hellsborg and Gary Husband. I didn’t drink too much – was in the middle of my third drink – but someone was passing a spliff around and I think that was what did me in.

I felt dizzy. It felt awful to move even just a little and my sense of touch was so heightened that even a friendly tousling of my hair felt like a tsunami wave.

It was a really bad trip – I really thought that it was the end. I broke out in a cold sweat and my extremities turned numb. Thank thank God, B was there to look after me.

I felt so bad that I did what I have never done before – the old finger down the throat and puked all over the floor. This made me feel much better and I went into hysterical laughter next.

Puked again in the car – not in thankfully, out the window, but while I was in it.

Yuck. Awful.

Earlier that evening had a great time though – Gary Husband was phenomenal and the Jokester was hanging around him getting him water, adjusting his stands etc. and when Gary said he kind of liked a woman there, I think the Jokester would have even agreed to pimp for him. The Jokester was totally awe-struck and was just staring at Mr. Husband with an open mouth and an I-don’t-believe-this expression, nervous laughter escaping at intervals!

During the break he came and sat with the Jokester and me and we had a nice conversation during which I quite embarrassed the Jokester in front of his idol – ha ha!

In fact, it was really cute how all the Delhi bassists stood to the left of the stage so that they could see Jonas clearly, all the guitarists were to the right of the stage and all the drummers at the back! I really enjoyed watching their expressions! Just shows how starved for good music Delhi is.

I have never understood the purpose of a drum solo – they have always bored me. For me, good drumming is about holding a great groove. But Gary’s solo yesterday really rocked – he can be so gentle with regular sticks to make them seem like brushes, real dexterity. Was quite blown.

Stupid Days

For the past two days I have let extremely self-destructive behaviour take over me.

I have for the sake of love and affection gone to stupid extremes.

Thank goodness in both cases the people involved were good friends and did not take advantage of the situation. They had a fair idea of what I have been through and what is compelling me to act so, and were supportive. I am so thankful for that.

One of them is now online but I do not feel the need to reach out.

What else has happened since I last wrote? I had a birthday and am now a year older.

Delhi has been extremely cold and one doesn’t feel like going out at all which is depressing.

I was chosen as a volunteer counsellor, they did say that the fact that I may transfer my own trauma on to the callers is a concern and that they would have to monitor me closely. Have been in training for the past three days.

Lots of interesting things in the training, lots of insights, lots of observations but don’t really feel like writing about them right now.

I am feeling a little low, yet peaceful and contemplative. Not really stressed out nor is my brain churning with random thoughts.

It’s going to be one of those days – ah well, maybe the evening will be brighter.

Unashamed Voyeurism

This is the automatic writer list in the google search box at the computer in the cyber cafe that I have been frequenting recently:

AdultFriendFinder
Air Canada website
Air India website
Air Kuwait website
Airlines from Delhi to Washington DC
anand and anand delhi
articals on children education
articals on children education in India
articles in the newspapers in India on children education
articles in the newspapers on children education
articles on children in the Indian newspapers and magazines
articles on children magazines in India
assamese
bank of baroda
bennetton
buy benetton clothing online
buy benetton online
dafoodile software company
dance classes in south delhi with rates
dire straits guitar tabs
dredging corporation limited
erotic
eroticsex
gay videos
girl boy sex
GT SHELBY
guitar chords
hard porn
hindi film songs
hsmp guidance notes 7.2.4
icici careers
idbi bank
indian rail.gov.in
indiantrains
insurance
insurance + types
medical transcription delhi
National law university, Bangalore
National law university, jodhpur
nokia mobile rates delhi
P
panoramic images
peno vaginal sex
pinkworld
platelets
pueguot cars
rediffmail
rediffmail.com
reshmarevealing pictures
rock music tabs guitar
ROLLS ROYCE PHANTOM PHOTO GALLERY
ROLLS ROYCE GALLERY
SEND BUGATTI PICTURES VIA EMAIL
sexual dissatisfaction woman
south actress reshma revealing pictures
south indian horny aunties
Symbiosis –law
Symbiosis law institute-pune
Symbiosis society’s law college
wet revealing south Indian aunty
winter heart enzymes
writing distance learning
XAT

Thought of the type of people who would have put in those search words. Tried to link which ones could have come from the same person. Realized how I think in stereotypes!

Another reason to be grateful

Jim Cooke lives in New York State. He has normal eyesight, but he cannot recognize his own face in the mirror. He has to shave by feeling his way around his features. In 1995, then aged forty-eight, Jim went in for a brain operation. When he came round, he realized something was wrong. It took him several days to figure out that he could not see faces properly any more. Jim was now suffering from prosopagnosia. This term is derived from prosopon (‘face’) and agnosia (‘lack of knowledge’), and refers to a disorder in which people can see most things normally, but when they look at a face they see only a canvas of features that do not form a meaningful image. They cannot recognize the face as someone familiar.

You can be born with this rare illness, but more commonly it occurs as the result of adult brain damage. While the brain as a whole is involved with most perceptual functions, there is a tiny, specialized section of the brain that is intimately involved with the recognizing of faces. It is called the fusiform. In a scanner it lights up with electrical activity whenever a person looks at a face. If the fusiform gets damaged we cannot recognize the face as a face – and Jim’s fusiform area was damaged during the operation.

Jim explains that when he sees faces: ‘It’s almost as if everyone’s wearing stocking- masks.’ It is disturbing for Jim if people recognize and approach him in the street, since he has no way of placing them or guessing who they are. Most of us forget the odd name or face, but Jim can’t see faces at all. Most distressing for Jim is the fact that he cannot respond to the faces of his own children. When he goes to meet his twenty-year-old son Tommy, or his eighteen-year-old daughter Cindy, he cannot recognize them. Tom and Cindy have learnt to cope with their father’s illness. They make sure that they say ‘Hi, Dad’ or identify themselves every time they approach him.

Prosopagnosics evolve complex strategies to deal with their illness. They become expert in differentiating voices and clothing, so as not to give away their problems. But for anyone, this is an enormously debilitating illness.

Jim Cooke says that: ‘When I look in a mirror, I’m not there. I’ll see items on the wall behind me, but a blank in the middle…’

- From The Human Face, Brian Bates with John Cleese

EQ

Yesterday I went to volunteer as a counsellor for a Help Line for young people.

I was handed a long questionnaire to fill with questions like:

- How do you deal with anger?
- Have you ever felt cheated? How did you deal with the situation.
- Have you ever been through a traumatic phase in your life?
- How do you feel when someone questions your integrity?

I felt like running out of the room. But facing the woman who gave me the form, explaining why I wanted to run out of the room seemed like a worse situation.

So I decided to follow the advice at the top of the form to the T "Be honest, there are no right or wrong answers". And gave plenty of evidence of being immature and an emotional cripple.

I will be deemed too unstable to counsel. :/

The Mezz

I don’t know what it is about the Mezz.

The last two times I’ve been there I have not been myself. It’s as if the atmosphere is conducive to shedding inhibitions. Or maybe there’s a mini Elizabeth Hurley with horns and tail smiling down on me from behind the bar.

The last time I went there I had this great experience – almost spiritual – where the world was one big happy place and I knew what I was doing in it. I was hugging people, dancing, it was all like one big smile.

Then yesterday, I don’t know what it was, perhaps the fact that I was still tired out from the party on Sat night, or maybe because the music sucked big time, but I suddenly found myself being judgmental and rude. I am the sort of person who never engages in any sort of confrontation if I can avoid it. Heck, not so long ago I was the kind of person who would not engage in any sort of conversation if I could avoid it! So I am quite surprised at myself.

First I told Vishal Dadlani of Pentagram that he was tight-assed and should learn how to relax. I was just getting this really negative vibe from him, competitive and mean, destroying the positive atmosphere. He was saying snide things, things that mostly go unnoticed cos they are so indirect, but I was catching on to all of them. The shifty eyes. I can’t stand that in the music circle. Music should be about peace and love not about how every vocalist in India except me can’t sing.

Then I turned on B’s friend A. He has a four year old son and had another one just five days ago. Despite the fact that his wife just gave birth he was at the party on Sat nite and got so blown that he had to stay over and was at it again on Sunday. I saw him draped all over this young semi-clad thing talking about how he was disillusioned with marriage and could he look her up when he was in Bombay. I can empathize with someone whose confused about life and the decisions he’s made, but not when that person is a huge, big fake like he is. He talks in a weird American drawl though he’s never been to the US, dyes his beard and hair in various shades of blonde and red, and claims to be spiritual and a great bhakt of some guru. I would find this endearing in a teenager or someone in their twenties but not in a forty year old with two kids.

He came over to us, totally doped out, and started talking about how confused he was and how life had treated him so badly and I just couldn’t take it so I had a wise-ass rejoinder for everything he said. For example when he said he felt like he was in an ocean and couldn’t see the sun I said that I’d pray that he’d drown. And other stuff which I can’t remember till he got up and said he’d see us guys later and walked away. Later on when we were leaving and he was entreating B not to go yet I yelled ‘We have lives!’

I don’t know what I would have done if either of them had started to take me on and had been rude back cos I am extremely slow-witted and wouldn’t have known how to react. (This is the only reason why I wouldn’t win Miss India!)

I think what I had on my side was the fact that they have always perceived me as this sweet, silent person so they were taken aback yesterday.

It felt great though! Thanks Liz!

Pseunami

One thing that has struck and interested me about the Tsunami incident is how people have become so concerned about the pseudoness of giving aid / feeling for the victims.

It started when I read a post by a fellow blogger about how he hated himself for not feeling bad about the victims. This same guy, on New Year’s Eve decided not to go to the most happening party in town and stayed home alone instead. He felt that he just could not party in the wake of the tragedy. This led to the dilemma of what he should tell his friends when they asked what he did on New Year’s Eve. He felt that if he told them the truth they would think he was being pseudo. Yet if he lied and told them he went to the biggest party in town, he would definitely be untrue. How can you not love this twenty-something dealing with confusion, trying to do the right thing, trying to be true to himself.

Then yesterday my Mom watching SRK on TV being interviewed on his donation said that all these Bollywood people were just trying to be one up on each other. Especially since he was saying that he preferred not going to the affected areas since he would be a distraction, she thought that this as a well-thought out excuse for not doing what Vivek Oberoi has.

Last night at a party, a girl was saying how she went to all these fancy parties and these rich women would talk about taking out their clothes to donate. She was saying how fake it was, sitting in these elegant drawing rooms ‘pretending’ to empathize. Her husband who works for a PR agency told us how all the MNCs, Coke specifically, were trying to cash in on the situation by making a donation just for the publicity.

Then today at lunch with the in-laws my father-in-law got very upset with B cos he felt that B is self-centred and not at all concerned about the suffering. It started when he had called B yesterday and asked him what the death toll was. B had replied 25,000 and his father was shocked that he didn’t know that the figure had long exceeded that number. He told B that he was insensitive and had no soul. B shouted back that he didn’t have to know the figure or talk about the Tsunami to prove that he cared. He said that people who do so are fake and that he is not one of them. He said that he refused to be fake by telling people how bad he feels about the situation or about what he is doing about it.

Personally, I don’t think anything human could not be affected by the visuals. Celebs might think about the mileage they are getting, even the best of them may have it at the back of their minds perhaps, but that can’t be the primary or only reason for their donations.

About individuals questioning themselves, asking whether they are being pseudo or are giving/feeling from the heart – for me, this is the most beautiful thing that has come out of the incident.

Hmm – now am I being pseudo? :/

Am Off!

Am going to Bharatpur for the weekend – yayhoo!! Too excited to write right now...

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Resolutions / Love Song

Okay, guess it has to be done, so this year’s “New Year Resolutions”!! Ta dah!

1. Give the cat a better life.

This basically means ignoring and not giving into B’s paranoias. The first that he (the cat) should not be let out cos he will be run over, beaten up by other cats, cut his eye on barbed wire etc. This staying in all the time has made him quite a neurotic little cat so 1st Jan onwards I have let him out amidst shouting and screaming from B. I am happy to report that he has behaved very well and has returned in one piece after a couple of hours on his own. Though he did get us a little dead mousie present yesterday…

The second that I should not clear his (again the cat’s) litter because his doctor uncle told him that the faeces has some germs which get into a woman’s blood stream and then her children are born deformed or some such crap. And of course he gets busy and/or lazy and the litter is not cleaned regularly. So amidst some mild admonitions that he would get around to it soon I have been cleaning it everyday and the cat has been sparing the clean laundry.

2. Not nag B or try to change him.

If things are not the way they should be I shall simply exercise my option to walk right out.

3. Not be hard on myself.

4. Not be hard on myself.

5. Not be hard on myself.
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Yesterday B sung this song to me when I asked him what he’d done with my pen (to the tune of ‘Everything I do…’:

Look into your ass
And you will see
The pen, you gave to me

Search your ass
Search the hole
(forget these lines, as if it matters!)

Don’t tell me it’s not the same pen
Don’t tell me again and again
You know it’s true
The pen you gave to me
I gave it back to you

Quite crude yes, but I couldn’t stop laffing!

Firing Up 2005

Yesterday morning at 08:30 the bell rang. I rolled over and decided to ignore it since I’d slept at 4 in the morning but the bell rang insistently so I had to finally get up. I groggily opened the door and the chowkidar said ‘Aap so rahe ho, aap ko pata nahin chal raha yahan aag jal rahi hai’.

Oops!

On the 31st we had a small party on our roof with barbeque and bonfire. After midnight we left to party elsewhere. On the First evening my friend whose barbeque it was came to collect it. They emptied the ashes (which were still hot) on to newspaper (don’t ask), put it in a bag and placed it on top of the wooden shoe cupboard (don’t ask again). I was busy watching ‘Beautiful People’ with my niece, sister and Mom so wasn’t part of the cleaning up. God knows I would have had better sense!

We went out to catch the late night show of ‘Swades’ (go see it! Also DO NOT MISS THE INCREDIBLES!!). Got home at around 3 am and everything was quiet, though in retrospect I remember smelling a burning smell but was too sleepy to focus on it at the time. The ashes must have burnt into the shoe cupboard and the easily burnable rubber and foam of the shoes ensured that nothing was left. Thankfully due to our laziness the shoes that we wear regularly were saved since they were just lying around the house. But all the nice, going out type of shoes are gone – including my silver strappy sandals.

The walls and roof of the staircase are totally black. The doorbell switch plate was melted. I grow cold every time I think of how bad it could have been. The heat would have entered the wire system next and the main door was just half a foot away. Me, my cat and B would have been roasted while we slept. Thankfully someone saw smoke coming out of the staircase window and they came and threw buckets of water and put it out.

The landlord came over to inspect but thankfully wasn’t hard on us.

I spent the first half of the day getting the mess cleaned up, getting a thelawallah to take away the debris and an electrician to put a new switch plate; and the second half fast asleep due to the mental strain.
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Went to see A’s baby yesterday – really tiny and perfectly formed. A used to be one of my closer friends till I felt let down by her. And the typical Capricorn that I am, I never let go of a grudge. Thought I’d make an exception for the newborn though. So I was all grown up and behaved myself and said the right things.
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T called this morning asking if I’ve ever been to a clairvoyant.

She’s been having problems with her in-laws. I don’t much like being the agony aunt in these situations. Was ex-colleague K’s for almost a year till I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s funny cos T’s husband is actually the one who is my friend, I only met T when they started seeing each other and am not that close to her so I wonder why she should choose to confide in me.

I told her not to go to the clairvoyant as what she/he may say will stick in her head and not necessarily make things better. I told her to use the money (a whopping Rs. 2100 for a one hour session) to go to a spa and have a body massage or take pottery classes instead.
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My vacation has been cut short. Got a call from someone I worked with two years ago while I was in Pushkar to do some video work. I really didn’t want to cos I just wanted to do absolutely nothing for a while and then come back with a vengeance. But the money is good so I’m tied down till Jan 15th. Except that I have only worked one day on the project so far cos she has been delaying the script. I hope I get paid immediately so I can go on another mini vacation – wouldn’t mind going alone this time with my books, paints, and notebook.
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…and then nothing but a lone star remained in the sky, like an asterisk leading to an undiscoverable footnote.
- Time and Ebb, Vladimir Nabokov

How beautiful is that!