Family >blech<

A Auntie arrived last night.

I have been dreading this visit ever since I heard of it.

I am going to write now, of every single negative thing I have ever felt about her, my cousin and my uncle. I want it all to be in one place, all the negativity. It all dates back to when I was very young, so it may sound selfish or even ungrateful. You are forewarned, skip this post if you hate personal vent sessions!

Background: A Auntie is my father’s elder sister. The only family I have from his side, besides his two other children. She went to a snooty convent boarding school when she was young and then went to London when she was about 18, got married to a Canadian and has lived in Vancouver ever since.

1. When I was ten, I made a one month trip to Vancouver, alone, to visit my aunt and her family. It was traumatic. The first thing she did was open my suitcase and was barely able to disguise her revulsion at seeing my clothes, which I guess were sub-standard according to her. I suppose she felt that she would be embarrassed if I was to wear those clothes in front of her friends cos she immediately went out and bought me a complete change of wardrobe – down to underwear. I never once wore the clothes I brought with me from India while I was there. Needless to say, it made me feel poor.

2. It was Christmas time and she encouraged me and my cousin to write our lists to Santa. In my home, these lists were always very long. It didn’t mean that we expected to get all that was on the list. It was more like we (my sister and I) would give a huge selection so that Santa could choose what he wanted to get us from these lists. She and my uncle took me aside and said that my list was rather long. I remember her husband saying that they were not as rich as I might think and that they could not get me all the things on the list. This, of course embarrassed me no end. They saw me as taking advantage of them.

3. My sister was then studying in the US. They placed a call to her so that I could speak with her, but before I even took the phone told me not to talk too long cos it was expensive.

4. My cousin was always painted as this wonderfully talented, intelligent person. I found her to be rude and spoilt. When she came to India later she turned up her nose at everything.

5. Whenever my aunt came to India (including this time), she always makes comments on India that really irk me. Like ‘oh, the indicator lights on the cars actually work – ha ha’. Or today ‘I never get my nice clothes to India cos if the grime sets in then there’s nothing you can do to get it out. Your clothes are just ruined then’.

6. I remember, again when I was in Canada, my uncle telling us how baths wasted water and showers didn’t. I said that that must be why in India we don’t have bath tubs and he said no that’s because Indians are poor.

7. My aunt is always poking her nose into the way we live, trying to ‘make things right’. I remember how she would try to make me visit my father more often by painting a sorry picture of him and trying to make me feel guilty. It didn’t work.

8. When she would bring us presents, I always got the feeling that it wasn’t because she wanted to genuinely give us something. There would always be this undertone of ‘you are less fortunate’. So she would get me a dress and tell me how my cousin has the same one, and I guess I was supposed to feel privileged that I was getting to wear the same thing as my better cousin. Or she would give us cosmetics which were obviously free samples that she had got when she purchased her regular supply.


Gosh now I feel really mean. She can be quite sweet and nice. And I’m sure in her heart she felt she was doing the right thing.

Maybe writing all this down will help me deal with her better.